Illness.

I just wake up ,

And the walls turn dark on me

The blaring sorrow oozes out

Of them ,

Just as the blood from my mouth. 

My eyes go off , at times

At times there's a trifling haze 

And I crawl out of it.

The tube in my nose hurts ,

When I scrunch in pain.

And pain 

Is ceaseless , so hard to come to terms with. 

I wake up ,

And for a moment I'm obliged 

But then I'm not

For my limbs have given up.

I drag about on the floor and 

I see fallen eyes .

I see misery in them ,

And I do not wish to continue.

Then this day is here ,

The man with the white coat sees me.

I despise him , 

He brings in syringes. 

He thrust them in my spine ,

He lies to me for the fifty sixth time ,

That it's not going to hurt. 

His redundant lies 

Make me regret the dream I fostered

 To be one of them.

 His face is just like that of stone ,

 It's not sympathy 

 It's his incompetence I see.

 He hands my mom a paper.

 She cries ,

 But I've become impervious 

 I take my eyes off , 

 and again stare at a dark white wall. 

 I surf through my phone 

Trying to look at the ways of socialising,

 To see people doing fine. 

 But I don't see them happy either,

 Like I see through them. 

 There's so much pain in the world.

 I sleep with all this acceptance .

 And my purple bed seems blue 

 As I'm promised to be laid 

 In the hospital.

 I count the days ,

 No , not that of my survival.

 But the time till I'll be the beset 

 For my mother who hasn't slept at all

 And my father I was a child he dreamt for.

Have I not become a broken dream? 

Some days are so tough for them ,

Seeing me writhing 

As the blood never stops

And I start to feel so hollow .

My blue lips feel so strange,

My cheekbones flaunt shamelessly.

And my eyes , 

They are falling off. 

So empty ,

It all seems so empty. 

I feel so empty.

I wake up 

But I do not see a day

 Just the ceiling sliding by

As my lungs intimidated me with the agony

I look at the side , 

My dad running beside me

Touching my cheeks in an assurance 

But then I don't see anymore,

I wanted to.

In my dream ,

I only see my father 

When he was thinner 

and wore his best denim.

He brought me a kitten .

And my mother at the beach ,

As we ran towards the sea 

When I wake up again ,

My tiny eyes were dazzled 

When the piercing light cut in 

This time I didn't see the wall ,

This time there was no dark

No sorrow .

I realised it wasn't so tough to smile.

I again saw my father from twelve years back , 

And my mother on her birthday with me.

They held hands ,

Comforting each other .

I take my eyes off them , 

for the last time

After my last smile .

And look at the ceiling.

I just sleep ,

For the first time in real

I just sleep ,

To not to wake up.